Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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