seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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