I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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