Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
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You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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