You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
