Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
