Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
