I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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