It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
