i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
