we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
