The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
