i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
