i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
