I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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