i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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