Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This baby is an asshole
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
