Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
