Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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