One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
