I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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