my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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