Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
