Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
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She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
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there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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