Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Is Oprah even human
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
