I wanna bring you to show and tell
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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