Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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