I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
