Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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