I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
