I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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