So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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