i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
