I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
