We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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