I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
