She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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