Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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