well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
