Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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