It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
