I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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