I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
