mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
