you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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