Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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