just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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