Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
