don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
