New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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