I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
