i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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