Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
