Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
