Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
false alarm. still invincible.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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