I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
