but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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