how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
