I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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