Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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