I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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