turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
