what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
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I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
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The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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