When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
