i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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