there's paper in my vomit.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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