My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize